


Vex'ahlia the Witch and the Wardrobe

by blue_pointer



Series: A Glorious Retelling [49]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: A Wild Fusaka Appears, Beep-beep vs. Bidet, Canon Timeline, Don't copy to another site, Dual Classing, Episode: c01e065 The Streets of Ank'Harel, Fluff, Gen, Gilmore's Parents, Grog Is a Great Sorcerer, Grog's Magic Trick, Jarett is not a drug addict or a drug dealer, Keyleth bringing the disappointed dad energy, Lockets, Love Letters, Magic Wardrobes, Marquet, Name Changes, Old Married Couple, POV Vex'ahlia (Critical Role), Parent Envy, Poor Gilmore, Qadhadh'mor, Shandal, Sibling Rivalry, Snooping, Spoilers, That's racist guys, Thirsty Vax, Vex Has Manners, Vex Is the Smart One, Vex'ahlia's Inner Child, Vox Machina's Nemesis: Old People, Wishful Thinking Percy, pronoun confusion, twin fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28969137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: In which Vex’ahlia accidentally reads some of Gilmore’s old love letters and decides to adopt his parents.
Relationships: Grog & The Alchemy Jug, Shaun Gilmore & Vex'ahlia, Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Series: A Glorious Retelling [49]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975831
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Vex'ahlia the Witch and the Wardrobe

Vex smiled to herself. She always felt a little giddy after talking to Jarett. He was just so handsome and chivalrous--not to mention he had a great arse. 

Before they went back to Gilmore’s, they took a quick shopping trip, and Vex made sure to purchase extra water skins. Unfortunately, there were no potions left in the city to be purchased. But if Ank’Harel really was like Emon, they should be able to purchase potions there. She hoped.

Back at the castle, they all filled their water skins and changed into more climate-appropriate clothing. Well, everyone except her brother. Fortunately for him, Percy had the wisdom to find Vax a long white cloak to cover his dark armor and reflect the sun so that he would not retain as much desert heat. Personally, she would have just let him figure it out for himself. Vax was always whining about something, even if he’d brought it on himself. 

Vex’ahlia had thought they were finally ready, but Scanlan wanted to scry on his daughter before they left. That was sweet. Vex’ahlia wondered what it would be like to have a father who gave a shit about her or her brother.

They returned to Gilmore’s to find he and Sherri had just finished breakfast. So perhaps it was just as well they’d given him a break. Poor Gilmore. He was sitting alone on the couch, dozing off over his tea. She glanced over at her twin. Shouldn’t he care about this? Or was he one of _those_ boyfriends? From what Vex knew, his track record was not stellar. 

Before she could say anything, Gilmore’s head snapped up. “Alright.” He flashed one of his dazzling, infectious smiles. “Gathered your things? Are you ready to go?” 

“Pretty much,” Vax said, looking bored.

“I think so,” she said.

Gilmore rose with the aid of the cane she’d seen him use since they came to Whitestone. Vex’ahlia looked to her brother again. What was that about? Was it Gilmore’s old injuries? Had he strained his back lifting her twin that night they’d returned from Westruun? 

“If you don’t mind.” Gilmore asked Grog to help him move the table out of the way. She could have done that, but fine. Grog liked to show off his strength. Then Gilmore knelt down and started to sprinkle green sand around him in a circle, speaking words of power under his breath. Suddenly the crystals pulled together, forming arcane symbols in a circle around him. When Gilmore drew his fingers together, making a fist, the circle lit up. It was lovely to watch him work. Vex’ahlia wasn’t sure she’d seen him work any magic live before. The little girl inside her wanted to applaud. 

“Alright, it won’t last long,” he told them. “In you go!” Scanlan sprinted into it, followed by Grog and Keyleth. 

“I fuckin’ love magic!” Vax said, diving in.

“I hate magic,” Percy muttered, holding his nose as he stepped through. 

“Thank you, Gilmore.” Vex made sure to take the time to say it before she went through. 

“My pleasure,” Gilmore said. Because he was just an angel like that.

After stepping through, Vex’ahlia suddenly found herself in a dark, cramped space which smelled of her brother’s slimy raven feathers, dusty cedar, and Grog’s body odor. “I’m reaching for a door handle,” she heard Percy’s muffled voice from somewhere close by. 

“Percival, that’s not a door handle,” Vax said.

“Apologies!” 

Vex began to search, too, hoping they’d just come out in a wardrobe or something, like that old book they’d gotten from the Syngorn library as children. “Ugh, Grog’s pec is right in my eye!” her brother whined. 

“This is the worst!” Keyleth said, as everyone around her began to groan. Vex’ahlia could see the light filtering in around what must be the wardrobe doors. There had to be a way to open them. She used her new rogue skill to slip a blade through the crack and flip the latch. Unfortunately, that sent them all tumbling out on top of one another. 

“I think he stabbed my eye out! Jeez!” Vax complained, somehow falling out with his arms around Grog. She rolled her eyes. He was so obvious. Looking back, she saw they _had_ been inside a kind of wardrobe. All it had inside it now were a few hangers and an arcane sigil carved into the wood of the base. 

“Good thing no one destroyed this thing while he was gone,” she remarked. The rest of the room looked utterly abandoned, the maroon carpet, matching tapestries, and empty bookshelves were covered in a fine layer of dust and sand that had blown in through the partially open window. As she took a look around, Percy sat down on the carpet, trying to get it to fly. That seemed a bit far-fetched. After a few moments, he seemed to give up and went over to look out the window. 

While Vax checked the door for traps, Vex’ahlia knelt down to look under the bed. There was a small wooden box which looked promising, and a number of folded shirts hidden under a thick layer of dust. She reached underneath and pulled everything out, carefully brushing aside the dust on the shirts to open a few of them up over the bed. They were nice, silk with beautiful embroidery, and would have been tea-length on her. But on someone Gilmore’s height, they were probably closer to knee-length. 

Vex’ahlia checked to see if the box was trapped before opening it; it wasn’t. Inside she found a series of pristinely-folded and stacked papers. Vex opened the top one to see what it was Gilmore had seen fit to save and hide--if indeed this had been his room at one time. She was surprised to find Draconic script on the pieces of parchment. Vex blinked, allowing her mind to refocus in another language. 

_Soulmate,_

_I sit alone every night in the gardens, thinking of the last night we spent there together. I can still recall the taste of your twilit umber skin on the tip of my tongue, like cardamom and rosewater…_

She quickly stopped reading. That was clearly personal. But Vex was curious. She folded that one and put it back in its place before pulling out another. It was in the same hand as the first. 

_My Soulmate,_

_How long will you make me wait? My heart aches for you as the parched sands cry out to the cloudless summer sky for even a single drop of rain…_

“Are you going through Shaun’s shit?” Vax suddenly crept up behind her. “What are you doing?” It was frankly adorable how defensive he was of his boyfriend’s privacy. But he still needed to fuck off. 

“I’m just seeing if this is his room!” she said, shoving him away. 

“Can I read your diary then?” he asked, combative. “Is that alright?” 

Vex had seen enough. Probably more than she should have, if she was being honest. But she was not about to give her brother the satisfaction of knowing that. Vex’ahlia quickly tucked the letters back into the box, closed it, and pushed the box back under the bed. “I was seeing if we were in Gilmore’s room.” She glared at him. “That’s all.” 

“Yeah?” Vax was even puffed up a little, like a skinny black cat. Ridiculous.

“Yeah,” Vex’ahlia challenged him with her eyes.

“Alright.” He finally relented, but she wasn’t finished with him.

“Don’t act like I’m a dick. I’m not stealing the letters. I’m putting the shirts back, alright?” Though Vex would have liked to take one or two for herself, just to try. The size they were, she doubted Gilmore could have fit into them anymore anyway. 

“I didn’t say it!” Vax went on. “Just maybe he wants a little privacy. I don’t know! Think about it.” She could always make her brother back down, eventually. 

“She’s learned from you well,” Keyleth said. And that really irked Vex. She was embarrassed enough to have found someone else’s erotic love letters, and now Keyleth was going to shame her, too? 

Fortunately, Vax had already relented and was picking the lock so that they could get out of Gilmore’s bedroom. It felt intrusive even to think it: Gilmore’s bedroom. 

“You know, he did say we would meet his family,” Keyleth said, as the door creaked open and they all crept toward it. Beyond the threshold, Vex’ahlia could smell something good cooking, and it reminded her that she’d had nothing to eat since breakfast. 

To the left of the doorway, she could see a large open room with a few solid pieces of furniture. To the right were...Gilmore’s parents? The sepia-skinned elderly couple was sitting on the floor at a low table, eating. They glanced over, wary of the motley band of pale-skinned strangers who’d suddenly appeared in their son’s bedroom. 

“It’s okay,” Grog reassured them in a most un-reassuring goliath way. 

“Hi!” Keyleth waved, smiling brightly.

“This is a bit awkward…” Percy said. 

“We’re friends of Gilmore,” Scanlan said.

“Be pleased.” Her brother did his best to mimic the greeting Jarett had taught them, looking ridiculous. 

“Shaun,” Vex’ahlia corrected. 

“Oh! Be pleased.” Scanlan followed her brother, and then they were all doing it except her. Vex’ahlia wasn’t sure this was the time.

“Beep-beep,” Grog said, doing his best to imitate the others. 

Gilmore’s parents began to laugh, and Vex stopped worrying. “This is unexpected. Friends of Shaun’s, you say?” the old man asked. 

“Yes,” Vox Machina answered as a group. 

Gilmore’s father rose from the table and came straight over to Vex’ahlia, dabbing his mouth with a napkin before he spoke. “How is he, if you could please tell me?” 

Vex couldn’t not smile at him. He seemed such a sweet old man. “He’s quite well,” she said, trying to think of what sorts of things parents wanted to hear about their children. “He’s very powerful, actually, and has wonderful businesses all through…” She suddenly remembered he didn’t, not anymore, thanks to the dragons.

“Tal’Dorei,” Keyleth put in, trying to help. 

“No, I know. It’s just not there anymore,” Vex reminded her. 

The old man turned and called over his shoulder for his wife to come join them. “Opesa. Opesa, come.” 

“Yes, I’m sorry,” Gilmore’s mother said, getting up to join them. “It has been a while since we’ve had guests from so strange and sudden arrivals!” She withdrew a pair of spectacles from her pocket and put them on before placing an arm around her husband. He put his arm around her shoulders. Such affectionate people--just like their son. They were absolutely adorable. 

“Um...I am sorry,” the old man said. “Let me introduce. I am Soren Qadhadh’mor. This is Opesa Qadhadh’mor. You know our son?” 

“Qadhadh’mor?” Grog repeated, testing out their pronunciation of the family name.

“Yes,” Vax answered.

“Yes, we do,” Vex said. 

“For quite some time,” her brother added.

“Quite a while,” Percy said.

“And you say he does well with his business?” Soren asked. 

“He does so well, yes,” Vex’ahlia assured him. 

“Continental,” Percy added.

“Yes,” she said.

“This is good,” Gilmore’s father nodded, pleased.

“Very respected,” Vex said.

“And brave,” Vax put in. 

Soren nodded, smiling fondly. “He has always been a brave one.” 

“He’s single-handedly protecting a whole city right now,” Scanlan said. 

“You don’t have to embellish,” Soren said, clearly thinking they were going overboard with made-up deeds. “That’s okay.”

“No, it’s true. I mean it,” Scanlan said. 

Soren changed the subject. “Would you like to eat with us? We can make more food, yes?”

“Actually,” Vex said. “We need to head out pretty quickly.” Which was a bit sad. It might have been nice to stay and chat with them. And she had questions about Gilmore’s old life.

“We’re sadly on a mission,” Percy said.

“Can you tell us the direction to Ank’Harel?” Vex’ahlia asked.

“You’re going to Ank’Harel?” Soren asked, brightening.

“Yes,” she said. 

“Ah, yes. Follow me.” He took Opesa by the arm and the old couple led them outside in front of the house which faced a small, mostly deserted street. Gilmore’s father proceeded to give them directions according to the sun, struggling with the language barrier a bit. But he was trying, poor thing. Finally they got the general idea that he meant they should go north. 

Vex’ahlia thanked him. Scanlan asked if there was a road they could follow, and Soren said he did not know because he hadn’t been for many years. They didn’t even travel to the big city? Gilmore must have been going out of his mind stuck here. 

As the others were asking clarifying questions, Vex’ahlia remembered the locket Gilmore had entrusted her with. There was little doubt in her mind his parents were the “they” to which Gilmore had referred. “Actually, Shaun asked me to deliver this to you.” 

“What?” Soren squinted at it, and his eyesight must have been worse than she’d first thought, because he turned to his wife.

Opesa stepped forward, examining it through her glasses before taking it from Vex. “Thank you so much.” She opened it and looked inside, smiling and showing it to her husband. 

Vex did her best to subtly peer down to find out what was inside. Oh, it was a picture of Gilmore! Of course. Oh, how sweet. Syldor didn’t care enough about her or Vax to keep an image of them in his home, much less around his neck. She couldn’t help but feel a little sad. Gilmore was lucky to have such sweet parents. 

When they were done looking at it, Opesa closed the locket and looked back at the group with a kind smile. “‘Gilmore’ is originally Qadhadh’mor. He changed his name when he went for better business to the Tal’Dorei place. Glad he’s doing well.”

“He’s respected across the continent,” Percy said. 

“Is there anything we can let him know?” her brother asked them. Vex took a moment to look more closely at Vax. He did seem affected by meeting his boyfriend’s parents. And perhaps he was having some of the same thoughts she was having: wouldn’t it be nice if Syldor cared about them even a fraction of what Gilmore's parents cared about him?

“Just...give him our love and tell him he is more than welcome to visit. It has been many years,” Soren replied sadly. 

“We will,” Vax said. 

“Thank you,” Vex’ahlia said, seriously considering adopting them. 

“Not a worry. Safe travels. You’re sure you don’t wish to have food?” Soren offered one last time.

“No, but if you could point us toward fusaka?” Vax asked. “Is there any around here? There’s not--is there?” 

The old couple looked at one another in confusion. “I’m not familiar with this spice you speak of. My apologies,” Soren said. What did that mean? Was the herb Jarett wanted really that rare? 

“Well, nevermind,” her brother said, smirking. He clearly had his own ideas about what the spice was. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know this fusaka you speak of,” Opesa apologized. 

Vax turned to his sister, amused. “He’s pulling your chain.” Now Vex was suspicious. 

“Or maybe it’s something illicit,” Scanlan suggested. 

“It’s possible,” Vex admitted. She didn’t really know what Jarett did when he was off duty.

“It’s possible,” Percy agreed.

“Maybe it’s something that you snort,” Scanlan said. 

“He’s pretty cool,” Vax said, as if that meant he must indulge in illicit substances.

Grog mimed smoking something. “I understand,” she said. But Vex hoped that was not the case. Perhaps it was just a spice Gilmore’s parents didn’t use. 

“Can we leave them a bit of water?” Percy asked, changing the subject before Gilmore’s parents began to think they were reprobates. Everyone agreed this was a good idea, and Scanlan commanded Grog to do it--as if Scanlan were in charge. 

“Where do you keep your personal water?” Percival asked.

“Would you like some water?” Vex asked them.

In the kerfuffle, Grog got confused and tried to give Gilmore’s parents the alchemy jug, but she stopped him. He really did need specific instructions.

“We have around this way…” Gilmore’s parents led them back inside the house, through a small kitchen to a side yard with rain barrels and a well that was secured with a lid and chains. Once Soren had unlocked and opened it, they explained very carefully to Grog that they meant for him to pour the 8 gallons from the magic jug into the well. 

Then Grog looked excited, turning to Gilmore’s parents. “You wanna see a trick? Look inside. Do you see anything?”

The couple looked, but said they saw nothing. 

“Now, give it a listen. What do you hear?” Grog asked, shaking the jug, preparing to show off his magic trick.

“Nothing. You are a strange man,” Soren said. Apparently their hearing wasn’t what it once was. 

“Well it sounds--” Grog started to explain, but then he just gave up. “Water,” he told the jug, pouring all 8 gallons into the well. 

“You are still a very strange man,” Soren said, smiling. “But I’m very happy and appreciative.” 

“I am a great sorcerer,” Grog lied to them, proudly. 

“Alright,” Gilmore’s father said. “I can see now. Gilmore has his work cut out for him.” 

“Qadhadh’mor-ee,” Grog said, trying to pronounce the foreign name correctly, and failing. 

Soren patted Grog on the shoulder, humoring him. “Qadhadh’mor, indeed.” 

Vex’ahlia asked Gilmore’s father for the time, and Percy got distracted by the small time keeping device Soren kept in his pocket. They discussed amongst themselves if they’d be able to get to Ank’Harel before nightfall. When Vex realized Soren was still waiting to see if they needed anything else, she said, “That’s all. Thank you.”

“Well, thank you so much for coming,” he said politely. 

“Good day,” Percy said. 

“Beep-beep!” Grog said, waving. Well, at least he’d moved on from “bidet.” 

“Be pleased,” Scanlan said, and her brother followed suit. 

“Be pleased,” Soren said, and he and his wife offered an arthritic bow before going back inside the house. 

“They were a couple of sweethearts,” Vax declared, as they walked away. No doubt his thoughts about them were in line with his sister’s. It sucked having only one parent who didn’t give a damn about you.

“They were adorable!” Scanlan agreed. And jokingly brought up the night so long ago that Tiberius had killed that old woman, implying that they should kill Gilmore’s parents to carry on the grand tradition. Vex did not think it funny, but of course the boys all laughed.


End file.
